Never Eat Alone
And Other Secrets to Success, One Relationship At A Time
by Keith Ferrazzi with Tahl Raz
From the flap… Do you want to get ahead in life? Climb the ladder to personal success? The secret, master networker Keith Ferrazzi claims, is in reaching out to other people. As Ferrazzi discovered early in life, what distinguishes highly successful people from everyone else is the way they use the power of relationships – so that everyone wins.
pg 8 I didn’t think of it as cold and impersonal, the way I thought of “networking”. I was, instead, connecting – sharing my knowledge and resources, time and energy, friends and associates, and empathy and compassion in a continual effort to provide value to others, while coincidentally increasing my own. Like business itself, being a connector is not about managing transactions, but about managing relationships.
pg 9 I learned that real networking was about finding ways to make other people more successful. It was about working hard to give more than you get.
pg 21 Job security? Experience will not save you in hard times, nor will hard work or talent. If you need a job, money, advice, help, hope, or a means to make a sale, there’s only one surefire, fail-safe way to find them – within your extended circle of friends and associates.
pg 30 The tool I use is something I call the Networking Action Plan. The Plan is separated into three distinct parts: The first part is devoted to the development of the goals that will help you fulfill your mission. The second part is devoted to connecting those goals to the people, places, and things that will help you get the job done. And the third part helps you determine the best way to reach out to the people who will help you accomplish your goals.
pg 68 Before the meeting, I generally prepare, or have my assistant prepare, a one-page synopsis on the person I’m about to meet. The only criterion for what should be included is that I want to know what this person is like as a human being, what he or she feels strongly about, and what his or her proudest achievements are.
pg 82 In fifteen seconds, I used my four rules for what I call warm calling: 1) convey credibility by mentioning a familiar person or institution – in this case, John, Jeff and WebMD. 2) State your value proposition: Jeff’s new product would help Serge sell his new products. 3) Impart urgency and convenience by being prepared to do whatever it takes whenever it takes to meet the other person on his or her own terms. 4) Be prepared to offer a compromise that secures a definite follow-up at a minimum.
pg 106 The fact is, most people don’t follow up very well, if at all. Good follow-up alone elevates you above 95 percent of your peers. The follow-up is the hammer and nails of your networking toolkit. … Give yourself between twelve and twenty-four hours after you meet someone to follow-up. … I remind myself in a month’s time to drop the person another e-mail, just to keep in touch.
pg 110 Conferences are good for mainly one thing. No, it’s not the coffee and cookies at breaks. It’s not even pricey business enlightenment. They provide a forum to meet the kind of likeminded people who can help you fulfill your mission and goals.
pg 111 Real, actionable insight mostly comes from experience, books, and other people. Roundtable discussions and keynote speeches can be fun, even inspirational, but rarely is there the time to impart true knowledge. But there may be no better place to extend your professional network and, on occasion, get deals done.
pg 112 Those who use conferences properly have a huge leg up at your average industry gathering. While others quietly sit taking notes, content to sip their free bottled water, these men and women are setting up one-on-one meetings, organizing dinners, and, in general, making each conference an opportunity to meet people who could change their lives.
pg 116 The point here is that the opportunity to speak exists everywhere, paid or unpaid. It’s fun, it can be profitable, and there’s no better way to get yourself known – and to get to know others – at an event. Study after study shows that the more speeches one gives, the higher one’s income bracket tends to be. … How do you become a speaker at a conference? First, you need something to say: You need content. You need to develop a spiel about the niche you occupy. In fact, you can develop a number of different spiels, catering to a number of different audiences.
pg 122 Most people think a conference is a good time to market their wares. They rush from room to room desperately trying to sell themselves. But a commando knows that you have to get people to like you first. The sales come later – in the follow-up discussions you have after the conference. Now is the time to begin to build trust and a relationship.
pg 125 During speeches, I’ll sit in the back and write follow-up emails to the people I just met at the previous break. Everyone you talked with at the conference needs to get an email reminding them of their commitment to talk again. I also like sending a note to the speakers, even if I didn’t get a chance to meet them.
pg 129 (Amanda add from email to Roanne!!)
pg 149 The message here is that we can go though life, particularly conferences and other professional gatherings, making shallow, run-of-the-mill conversations with strangers that remain strangers. Or we can put a little of ourselves, our real selves, on the line, give people a glimpse of our humanity, and create the opportunity for a deeper connection. We have a choice.
pg 155 If all else fails, five words that never do: “You’re wonderful. Tell me more.”
pg 157 (From Dale Carnegie)
– Become genuinely interested in people
– Be a good listener. Encourage others to talk about themselves.
– Let the other person do a great deal of the talking.
– Talk in terms of the other person’s interests.
– Give honest and sincere appreciation.
pg 177 To paraphrase Dale Carnegie: You can be more successful in two months by becoming really interested in other people’s success than you can in two years trying to get other people interested in your own success.
pg 187 The Pinging Staple: Birthdays. …Once you’ve cultivated contact with a new associate or friend, nurture it by pinging. It’s the Miracle-Gro for your blooming garden of friends and associates.
pg 208 Remember those wise words of Mark McCormack in his book What They Don’t Teach You at Harvard Business School: “Creativity in business is often nothing more than making connections that everyone else has almost thought of. You don’t have to reinvent the wheel, just attach it to a new wagon.”
pg 211 Once a resonating pitch is perfected, getting attention is less of a problem. Journalists are hungry for ideas. Getting access to them is often as simple as calling the magazine or newspaper they work for, which can be found on their Web site, and asking to speak with the reporter who covers your beat. I’ve never met a journalist with a gatekeeper. Moreover, I’ve never had my calls go unreturned after leaving a message that said, “I’ve got the inside scoop on how the gaming industry is going to revolutionize marketing. I’ve appreciated your work for a long time now; I believe you’re the right person to break this story.”
pg 237 You have to start today building relationships with the media before you have a story you’d like them to write. Send them information. Meet them for coffee. Call regularly to stay in touch. Give them inside scoops on your industry. Establish yourself as a willing and accessible source of information, and offer to be interviewed for print, radio, or TV. Never say, “No comment.”
pg 288 Balance is a mind-set, as individual and unique as our genetic code. Where you find joy, you find balance.
pg 294 As noted author and speaker Rabbi Harold Kushner once wisely wrote, “Our souls are not hungry for fame, comfort, wealth, or power. Those rewards create almost as many problems as they solve. Our souls are hungry for meaning, for the sense that we have figured our how to live so that our lives mater so the world will at least be a little bit different for our having passed through it.”
pg 297 How had I – along with so many other perfectly capable and intelligent people I knew – allowed my life to get so far out of whack? By failing to ask ourselves the kinds of questions that are the most important: What is your passion? What truly gives you pleasure? How can you make a difference?